Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The beginning of something new

Resolutions or I'd rather say list of things that will be my focus on 2014 -I'm not finding any solutions but rather just searching for my happiness, are:

  •  saving for a specific destination rather than dreaming for an RTW trip which is a bit impossible for me at the moment. I have chosen a certain country that I really really really desperately wanted to go and I will focus to prepare my trip to go there (note: alone). This doesn't mean I'm throwing away the dream, but it's more about trying to make it real in a small measurable portion and I know in my heart it will take me further.
  • say NO when I want to say NO. This one is not going to be easy for me. I really need to turn away from the guilty feeling of making other people unhappy
  • spend more time blogging! I really need this one. Rather than being a sad sack that cries about the unfairness of this world, I wanted to learn how to write things that interest me the most. I always love to travel because I like to see how people live their life's, so I wanted to captured that and share the passion with everyone else.
  • learn and learn and learn so much more in taking better photograph. Travel, photo, and coffee are three of the world's pleasure!
  • more doodle-ing. I always make pictures in my mind that I would like to make it into doodles but often it's just gone away. So now I carry a little green doodle book so I can captured moments worth doodling hahaha...
That's all I always think of. Will do better this year!
Hope you have a very fun-tastic year ahead :)

Goodbye 2013


2013, started as an hopeful year but turned out so badly that I glad it's over. A series of unfortunate events come and go. Bad things started in the very beginning of this year and left some pretty bad scars. I move back to my hometown just before the new year of 2013 and ended up in a job which I don't like but pretty much was the choice I have at that time. After just about 2 weeks at my new home, on a rainy Sunday afternoon, the ceiling in my bedroom felt down and it made a very bad mess and flood in to my house. The whole house was wet and dirty and we had to stay in our nice neighbor house for a couple of days.

Then just about a month after moving, I became so stressful in my job, I felt like I'm such a failure and the pressure was to hard for me to handle. It was every morning I have the desire to quit my job because I felt there is no point anymore. But after lots and lots of thinking, I really needed the payment (yes I admitted I work there for the money ONLY) because I was saving for my RTW trip. I then made a plan to save for about 2 years than after that I was planning to quit for good. That thought was the only thing that keep me waking up every morning to go to that horrible place and do the things I hated the most.

The very sad thing about 2013 was when I turned 30. Yep... I'm now officially a thirty something girl... it's bad that my twenties had gone, but it means I'm in the beginning of thirty something :) The thing that made me sad was because I didn't finished my 30B30 list :( I really tried to finished it, but "the moving" thing did took so much time, energy, and mind. 

Everything was quite alright and I did got a beautiful scar, it was a tattoo that I made. My first one and I'm so happy with it. Than that very bad accident happened. I still can remembered it so well. I was on the 24th of July -my husband's birthday. He was out of town the day before and was going home that night. I wanted to make a surprise by getting him a birthday cake. And for a reason I couldn't understand, I chose a bakery that was near my old high school. Logically, there was a bakery near my office and it was on the way home and tasted batter, but I don't know why I turn around and went the other way to buy the cake. On the way to the bakery, in a flash of second, without realizing what happened, I felt from my motorcycle. When I knew what happened, I was already sitting on the road and my mouth was bleeding. I stumble over on a road that was under-construction but was not being cleaned properly (and there was no sign). People said that I was the fifth person to fall that day. The scar did heal, but I had broke two of my upper front teeth. It took a month to recovered and I had to use a fake teeth, and from then on, I could not bite no more :( The accident was a split of second but the damage was permanent...

Than things got worst at September. My father got really sick. He went in and out of the hospital about three times in two months and still needs home care. Since September, I had to move back in my parents house because I'm the only child and my parents needs me.

Well, things didn't get any better at my work, but I felt there's no other option now because I needed to earn so much for the medication, so quitting my job was not an option. I'm now in the zone of feeling stuck and was a bit desperate. I bury my dream away, I live a life I don't wanted, and I have to live by other people's expectation. It made me feel so hopeless and no matter how much motivation I read, I still haven't find a way out. I really acted as a victim and it was a bad thing. But at this time of my life I really don't know what and how to get out of this mess.

But hey, it's now 2014... the good thing about new year is we have a second chance. I really hoped I could closed the doors I wanted to closed and opened new ones that needed to be opened. I needed a lot of changes. It's new year now, so it's a new hope! Happy new hope everyone :)